Overcoming Grudges

We’ve all been there… You get into it
with someone about something, and
let’s say they really ticked you off. Of
course it’s human nature to disagree
with others, merely because it feels
good to be right. Sometimes whether
you are right or not, in your own mind,
you’re 100% correct! But none the
less, it’s so easy to hold a grudge
against the person you’ve been
arguing with. Something like this can
eat away at you for days and
sometimes years if you allow it.
Of course it’s really easy to say, “ahh,
don’t let it bother you.” But it may not
be quite so easy to abide by that. I for
one am probably the worlds worst at
letting things get to me a little more
than they should. Normally after I’ve
had some time to stew over the
situation for a bit, I tend to relax
some. But have you ever thought
about how getting yourself so riled up
can affect your body and mind?
Is a Grudge Dangerous
to Your Health?
It’s a known fact that stress can
affect your mind and body in some not
so good ways. Stress can lead to
many other health problems such as
high blood pressure, headaches, hives
and can even give you a severe
nervous condition. Of course holding a
grudge is a key factor in stress. If
you’re holding a grudge against
someone, then that means it’s
constantly in the back of your mind. I
know when I’m mad at someone that I
tend to replay the incident over and
over in my mind for quite some time.
This really isn’t healthy.
Worrying and stressing can make a
person physically sick, some folks to
the point of hospitalization. As
discussed in my post, The Medicine of
Laughter, people that are miserable
may have a lower immune system and
are more often sick than people that
are happy. So it’s good to keep this in
the back of your mind when you get
nice and flustered at someone.
In all honesty, our lives are full of
enough stresses these days, why
would you want to add more to
yourself. As fast paced and
competitive the world is today, it’s
easy to stress on things. You can
clearly see it in the TV shows we
view, everything is a big competition
to be the best. It’s simply not good
enough to just be yourself anymore. I
swear it’s like an act of Congress to
find something to watch that isn’t a
reality show. Meeting deadlines, trying
to please others, work, family life,
bills…. The list goes on and on of
legitimate things that one could stress
over. There really is no need to allow
someone else to get to you to the
point of adding an extra load on your
mind.
How to Overcome a
Grudge
Ok, so we’ve talked about the disease
of contracting a grudge, and many of
the reasons why it’s bad for you. So
now I think it’s important to go over a
few exercises that may help you
overcome the grudges your holding on
to so dearly.
Many people will say, “Just count to
10 and take deep breaths.” But come
on, in reality does this little trick work?
Excuse me for saying, but Hell No!
When I’m fired up and ready to attack,
there’s no way I can settle down
enough to count to 10 and breathe.
LOL So here’s what I try to do…
First off, the best thing I find that
works to get the healing in motion is
to simply get away from the person
you have a disagreement with. As long
as you’re both standing face to face,
all you can do is try to come up with
the next horrible thing you want to
say. So part ways, if not permanently
at least temporarily until both of you
have calmed down a bit.
The second thing I try to do is think
about the real reason you’re arguing
and ask yourself this, “Will it make a
difference?” Now there are some
worthy causes out there that may truly
be worth fighting for. If that’s the
case, then you need a well devised
plan on how to conquer the fight. But
more times then not, arguments are
started over some of the simplest
things. So if it’s not worth the effort,
then why waste your breath. We only
get so many breaths in this life time,
each one is precious.
More times then not, after answering
whether or not the issue is truly worth
it, you may begin feeling a lot better
about the situation already. But at this
point it’s always good to put yourself
in the other person’s shoes. Ask
yourself this, “How does the other
person feel?” By seeing things from
another person’s perspective, it may
help shed some light on where they’re
coming from. Everyone believes that
their way of thinking is the right one,
so keep in mind it’s possible you may
be the one in the wrong. As long as
you’re still stewing over the situation,
you’ll never admit to yourself you’re
wrong. All that matters is proving your
point. So this I believe is a very
important step to getting over your
anger.
Usually an argument doesn’t just
affect the people that are arguing.
Sometimes there may be others within
hearing or seeing distance from the
action. So this is actually something
we should learn to do before a
confrontation even begins. Think about
this, “How is this affecting the people
around you?” The best argument is
one that has been avoided all
together. So make yourself aware of
others in the room. A knock down drag
out will affect everyone around you,
and it’s easy to say things you don’t
mean while in the heat of the
moment. So be conscious of others
and try to avoid looking like a heel.
Using this as an after thought may
prevent an argument from continuing.
By this time you should be able to
count to 10 and take some deep
breaths. Try to clear your head of all
the bad and if possible, just agree to
disagree. Usually an apology at this
point whether you’re in the wrong or
not will calm the waters so everyone
can get back to normal. Chances are
the other person is probably feeling
just as bad as you. An apology may
not always be out right saying you’re
sorry. Apologies can come in many
different forms, even just saying,
“Man, we’re a couple of dorks.” to the
other person will make you both feel
better and may even lighten the mood
enough for a chuckle.
I believe that if you can conclude an
argument on good terms, and make it
a learning experience, then all grudges
should be eliminated. It’s the
confrontations that never have any
closure that we hang on to the most.
Even though an argument may start
off nasty, they don’t have to end that
way. Of course it’s entirely up to you.
So let’s go over these 5
simple steps again
1. Get away from them for a while.
2. Will it make a difference?
3. How does the other person feel?
4. How is this affecting the people
around you?
5. Clear your head and Apologize.
There are those occasions where you
may not be able to avoid holding a
grudge. But these are some simple
steps that may help you feel better
about it. Negative encounters in our
lives never truly leave our minds, but
we have to learn to live with them. At
least by coming to a conclusion, that
is a start in the healing process. Just
always remember, if you continue to
feed on anger, you are only hurting
yourself.